The angry wife met her husband at the door. There was alcohol on his breath and lipstick on his cheek. "I assume," she snarled, "there is a very good reason for you to come waltzing in at six o'clock in the morning?"
"There is," he replied. "Breakfast."
A man was out driving on the interstate at top speed in his new Porsche when he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him.
"There's no way they can catch a Porsche!" he thought to himself and sped up even more. Then the reality of the situation hit him, "What the heck am I doing?" he thought and pulled over.
The cop came up to him, took his license without a word,...
A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
"You'll get your chance in court." said the Police Sergeant.
"No, no, no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"
A wife asks her husband, "Honey, if I died, would you remarry?"
"After a considerable period of grieving, I guess I would. We all need companionship."
"If I died and you remarried," the wife asks, "would she live in this house?"
"We've spent a lot of money getting this house just the way we want it. I'm not going to get rid of my house. I guess she would."
Two men waiting at the Pearly Gates strike up a conversation.
"How'd you die?" the first man asks the second.
"I froze to death," says the second.
"That's awful," says the first man.
"How does it feel to freeze to death?"
"It's very uncomfortable at first", says the second man. "You get the shakes, and you get pains in all your fingers and...
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