The angry wife met her husband at the door. There was alcohol on his breath and lipstick on his cheek. "I assume," she snarled, "there is a very good reason for you to come waltzing in at six o'clock in the morning?"
"There is," he replied. "Breakfast."
A wife asks her husband, "Honey, if I died, would you remarry?"
"After a considerable period of grieving, I guess I would. We all need companionship."
"If I died and you remarried," the wife asks, "would she live in this house?"
"We've spent a lot of money getting this house just the way we want it. I'm not going to get rid of my house. I guess she would."
Three men died in a car accident and met Jesus himself at the Pearly Gates.
The Lord spoke to them saying, "I will ask you each a simple question. If you tell the truth I will allow you into heaven, but if you lie, ... Hell is waiting for you."
To the first man the Lord asked, "How many times did you cheat on your wife?" The first man replied, "Lord, I was a good husband. I...
A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot with a sign on the cage that said $50.00, which seemed awfully cheap.
"Why so little," she asked the pet store owner.
The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should warn you first that this bird used to live in a house where prostitution took place and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar...
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