- Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.
- Do I look like a freaking people person?
- And which dwarf are you?
- I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
- How do I set a laser printer to stun?
- Driving to a different drummer.
- I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
- Don't worry. I forgot your name, too!
- Adults are just kids who owe money.
- I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up.
- Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
- Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
- Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
- I majored in liberal arts. Will that be for here or to go?
- You! Off my planet!
- I like cats, too. Let's exchange recipes.
- Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
- Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
- This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
- I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
- I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
- If I throw a stick, will you leave?
- If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cat.
- You look like shit. Is that the style now?
- Earth is full. Go home.
- Is it time for your medication or mine?
- Does this condom make me look fat?
- I plead contemporary insanity.
- You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.
- Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
- Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.
- A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.
- Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
- Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.
- Do they ever shut up on your planet?
- Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.
- I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.
- I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
- A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
- Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
Got other funny bumper stickers or one liners? Share them below!